Boxes in my head

So I have been trying for the past week to start my essay about... well the essay that I have to write about. It is "Unpacking my Library" by Walter Benjamin, and it is very different from the other essays that oter groups have had to write about. This is both good and bad. "Unpacking my Library" is a very easy read...which is a good thing for me the Queen of "There are too many big words and long sentences". But, it is less of an evaluation of an abstract subject like the other essays... which is not a good thing. This is because there is nothing really to evaluate of to interpret about the essay. It is more of a story being told by the author about his past experiences with collecting books. Pretty straight-forward right? So today a few other people in my group and I asked Nigel, after class, about what we should b writing about. And he went and brought up the idea that the essay is not as literal as it seems. That is is more of a giant metaphore for something way bigger... or maybe deeper than what I had thought it was about. I don't want to give away exactly what he had said about it because I want to sound really smart when I read my essay to the class and it contains ideas that no one else thought about (wow I am a self-centered stinker :) ). Maybe this will help other people who read the essay and find that it is very square and palpable compared to the other essays there is more to it than meets the eye (I am now hoping that I am not the only person who did not see this alternate meaning when first reading the essay I would feel really silly about this whole post).

Mind Boggling

So I am a little over half way done with "The Rivals" by Richard Brinsley Sheridan, and I have to say that I feel like I need to make a chart. There is an intense kind of love circle-squarey-thing going on with the characters. They are all connected to each other in some way or another. But, I feel like the center of all of the confusion and disorganization is Absolute. To Lydia he is Beverly, but to everyone else he is Absolute. When other suitors, that are his friends like Acres, find out that Jydia is in love with some guy named Beverly they get all upset and challenge Beverly (who is really Absolute) to a dual. But then when Absolute's father decides to have his son marry Lydia Absolute has to go to her house and pretend to be Beverly pretending to be Absolute despite the fact that he is Absolute. Whew! This is exactly what I meant about the book and the intricate character relationships. Frankly my mind is spinning...

Can we move no more?

As I was reading through "Between Past and Future" one statement stuck out to me. It was one that I've heard many times before, but for so odd reason I couldn't stop thinking about it: "There is nothing in this situation that is altogether new. We are only too familiar with the recurring outbursts of passionate exasperation with reason, thought, and rational discourse..." This statement to me seems to be a big let down; there is nothing else for me to create because someone probably already thought of it. Then, I thought it would be interesting to know all of the "firsts" in the world, because there had to be one. Now, since every idea or theme has already been thought of, how long has the modern world been stuck in this rut of recurring themes? No one will ever know.

Love is...?

In discussing William Shakespeare's sonnet 116, "Let me not the marriage of true minds," I find that I am asking myself what is love and what are the different forms of love? Is it true? Does it withstand trials? How will I know if I am in love?
Love is the essence and obsession of all of the world. Our movies our culture is based off this feeling. everyone is searching whether they know it or not and if they deny they are searching for love, love is on the search for them. To love a person is something unconditional and pure. You are willing to lose yourself to be part of that person, to grow with that person. Love is so different for everyone but is similar to all that it is a strong feeling that is used to describe subjects with passion and meaning. Love conquers all things, restores all things...it goes above and beyond expectations. But what do I know? I am only a child. It is true I have been loved by my parents and an omnipotent and awesome God that has created me.
So maybe I do know what it is to be loved, but loving others...that is the hard part. "Love is not love which alters when alteration finds," meaning if life gets you down and things get tough, love will remain true, never be shaken and remain strong and firm. Love drives the human soul, controlling our emotions making us confused in our own desires. Love cannot be controlled but harnessed, maybe saved for a later date. There are different kinds of love. Love can be superficial and driven by lust and on the other side be a pure sign of respect, fear and gratitude. Love can hurt and scar you, love can restore and raise you to places you never imagined. But what do I know? I am only a child.

"Listening is understanding
and finding compassion
love is the action of soul satisfaction
a tongue can make wishes and also fine kisses
taste a sweet cake and also cast disses
but nothing compares to the voice from within
without it we might just be mannequins
up to no darn good shenanigans
learn to be skillful movers of the stones
that block the heart and turn humans to clones
learn to forgive, set free the bones
touch with your flesh, take off the rubber gloves
love like your life depends on it
because it does."
-Michael Franti and Spearhead from "Speaking of Tongues"

TASs... It's all backwards

So here I am trying to get things all situated to get up tomorrow at 6:15 in order to go and take the SATs (FOR THE SECOND TIME) in York. I am trying to sharpen my pencils (I keep overheating our pencil sharpener. Who knew that could happen, but it is really annoying) and I got to thinking about just how much pressure there is involved with taking these and other so called "standardized tests". 

We have always known just how important SAT scores are in getting you into college. For many schools the scores that people get on the SATs are a way of narrowing down the "pack". If a school (mostly larger ones) gets a ton of applications they have no way of going through each and every one of them and reading the essays and credentials that EACH individual applicant has. In order to weed out some of the applications schools will often just not look at applications with SAT scores below a certain point. This means that if you do badly on the SATs there is a potential for you to miss out on some schools no matter what your transcript, letters or recommendation, or leadership positions say about you. I feel like this is not the right way to do things. There are countless people who have a very hard time dealing with the pressure of taking a timed test that they know has the potential to impact their futures (who wouldn't have slight anxiety about this?), or just have a hard time on tests. These people end up thrown under the bus if their scores do not turn out well.

I think that the scores on SATs should only be used at the end of the application review process. If there are two people who are equal in all different application sections, then maybe the scores from the SATs should come into play. This would give the people who have a hard time taking tests a fighting chance at at least getting their applications read and looked at.

This is all so stressful! Well.... wish me luck! Tomorrow could change my life...(how dramatic sounding is that? Pretty intense huh?)

Half Full

So, I am going to do something a little out of character for me... so bear with me. 

I started reading "Unpacking My Library" by Benjamin today in study hall just to try and get a head start on it. The last few essays have been really long and dense, so I was thinking that if I read a few pages a night carefully that I would be able to finish it in time to write the essay, and I would (hopefully) understand the content more.

I was dreading even starting it after having read the last few, but I got myself together and started reading (I figured if I had some sort of brain aneurism someone would take me to the hospital [I was in the library not the cafe. No one in the cafe would have helped me.])

To my surprise I actually liked the first two pages that I read! I was literally shocked! I NEVER like those kind of hippie-dippy interpretive stuff. But, I genuinely liked the pages that I read (I bet only the first few pages are good in order to lure you in and then the long words/sentences come out and get you. It's like some sort of literary trap!).

I think that I liked it because, unlike the other essays, it is told in a more fictional way. It is told like more of a story than like an analysis or interpretation. I am actually not dreading reading more and writing a paper on it (this does not mean the paper will be good, I don't want for you all to put that pressure on me).

Anyway, I just thought that I would share my shock and amazement with all of you, since I'm pretty sure that I am the resident Negative Nancy when it comes to reading weird literature in our class. I'm trying to be more optimistic like I said to do in my last post. I guess that this is a pretty good start...

Why so dark?

Today we went over Shakespeare's Sonnet 116 in class. We came up with many different interpretations of how the poems made us feel/think, but they can all pretty much be divided into 2 different views: The optimistic/Romantic view and the pessimistic/I hate love poetry group. Now since this is my post I am only going to share my feelings on the matter and not bother showing the pros and cons of each side (that's bogus writing stuff). I definitely am in the first group of Romantics and optimists (surprising I know, who would think I would be optimistic). The general consensus of the angry unhappy people was that the poem, which focuses on the power of love, is just one giant, overused cliche. I have to agree with that. First of all is cliches are cliches it is because people use them a lot, and they would not use the cliches if they didn't have some sort of importance, influence, or special meaning in their lives. I would have to say that love is a cliche, but not a cliche in bad way.
The poem gave me a very happy feeling. It was a very romantic and optimistic view on the power of love and all that true love can overcome. I feel like today, in a world where we focus mostly on the negative aspects of life (I am guilty here), it is important to almost force yourself into thinking/reading/seeing positive things. Part of the reason why a lot of people felt that this was an overdone cheese fest, I think, was because, as a generation, we have been bred into a lot of negativity and that is what we have come to known in our everyday lives. Many people may feel that this is incorrect, but if you spend the day listening to all the negative things you say, even the small statements, you would find that you complain quite a bit. It is not like I am trying to pull a "holier then thou" attitude because I am as guilty as anyone of being negative (as you can see from my previous blogs)
In the end, I think that reading the sonnet and the reactions that we had to it as a smaller representation of a much larger and more looming problem that we as humans have today.